


STW

by arosethornbyanyothername



Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-04-07 15:22:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19087744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arosethornbyanyothername/pseuds/arosethornbyanyothername
Summary: Publishing so that it won't be deleted in the drafts.1RRH





	STW

The school ranking had been announced.

In the considerably long list consisting of more than twenty students in his year that had reached the average required to make it in the honors list, Seiya slowly mulls over the piece of paper from bottom up to the top. The list contains the name, year & section, and average grade of the students accompanied by their school I.D picture on the right.

Finally, the fifteen years old boy finished scanning the other parts of the posted paper and reached the top of the list. Situated next to the very conspicuous number of 1 is a name he knows very well. Seiya Nikolay Anastazya. Average: 96.750

Seiya stares at the I.D Photo placed next to the text. "……". 

It seems to be less awkward than the ones from previous years?? Hopefully.

"As expected, hah! Get lost! If I had studied harder this quarter then...nothing, you will still be ranked first." A lively, low baritone voice to his right good-naturedly remarked.

Really now?, "Let me guess, you're going to say something along the lines of  'zero comes before one anyway' aren't you? You guys always do this." Seiya obligingly chuckles. "Yeah, yeah, I know."

The other nods sagely as if to impart hidden knowledge. "It does." The way Karer's eyes flashed in barely suppressed mirth betrayed him though.

A minuscule upturn of one side of his curved lips and an amused snort was Seiya's only response. Ah, how predictable.

He left the front of the board after bidding Karer a goodbye, allowing other students to pass by him to see the announcements.

With his back turned away from his previous location, Seiya's smile dissolved as quickly as it was given form.

There's that feeling once more. Disconnect from the present.

None of all of this seems real again.

 

Done with his aim, the teenager decides to return to their classroom on the third floor of the school building. Along the way, he passed by people who stopped to greet him to extend their best wishes sincerely, some to try to ingratiate themselves to the handsome youth, or largely as an act of courtesy, the last mostly coming from other students from different year levels from him who are also in their respective honors list. He keeps his polite smile fixed and thanked them in return.

Deep in his mind at this moment, Seiya feels one part complacent in this personal victory, three parts mutedly proud--hah, two parts childishly triumphant, and the remaining parts just really, really relieved.

Here's the thing that almost every achiever knows. Achieving high is setting expectations. Expectations from your parents, your classmates, your teachers, people who are virtually strangers, and often most burdensome of all, yourself. When you've built yourself high enough that you are able to reach the top, no matter how high or low, or relevant or capricious the 'throne' you hold is, you will inevitably be brought up and subsequently humbled. 

A very interesting paradox of life; the more you fail, the more likely you are to succeed.

And of course, people just adore underdogs. Although Seiya does not like to think of himself as a person who deeply broods over things that he knows are influenced and projected by the people around him, the environment that his mostly teenage peers provide can truly have an effect on a person who is still unsure and daunted by their looming future. When you excel, people start thinking that in some form or someway, you had it easy.

And really, he knows that he had advantages over those born to less fortunate circumstances. Born in a middle-class family consisting of a retired lieutenant colonel father; a PhD holding and PsyD pursuing mother who takes sidelines as a college professor and a crime registrar; and a two years & four months older brother who is only two grade levels apart from him who is also the top of his year; Seiya, who was at that time still only thirteen years of age and had always consistently ranked first, was a person born to be a winner. One who will have to interminably experience hardships to polish his raw edges.

Then life happened. And the rest, as they say, is history. Within the sweetness of the easy and fulfilled life he has had in his grasp from the moment he was born up to his then-present, came knocking the bitter taste of loss.  

With a deceased father who died from ¹sepsis in his near 60s, caused by a gunshot wound that grazed his spinal cord in line of duty as a police officer almost a decade ago. They thought it absurd, the medical officer stated that he had seen it happen more than a couple of times, with the partial paralysis of his lower body a hint to what really caused his unavoidable demise. --Passing away. Kicking the bucket. Death. Whatever the hell you wanted to call it.

Seiya doesn't much like looking back to this part. It's--a mess to say the least. 

His mother was inconsolable. How could she not be, when just a few years ago she herself was the one who was brought to a hospital through an ambulance with the combination of her family's inherent susceptibility to heart conditions, stress from her work while juggling studying for a doctorate degree acting up against her.

Back then Seiya can vividly remember the sheer terror he felt a few years ago when they woke up to a call from their father saying that he had to leave with their mother before dawn when he and his older brother were still asleep because their mother had a severe heart attack.

Eleven years old Seiya remembers their father tirelessly caring for their mother when she was in the hospital, strapped into an oxygen tank, and riddled with injections all over her slack body. When he carries her to the bathroom or any other place because she simply doesn't have the strength to move in her own accord. When their father had to buy loads of medicine every other week and an oxygen tank when his mother was discharged from the hospital. When their father almost never sleeps from worry.

Eleven years old Seiya remembers trying to keep tears from falling from his eyes as his mother, his proud, intense mother, who brandishes her strong personality as a banner of pride, calls him and his older brother Orhei in their parents' room, and breaks down and cries.

She cries as she tells them that she really, really wants to see them grow up, finish their education, get jobs, and find their way in life but she doesn't think that she can anymore. She cries as she tells her eleven and thirteen years old children to try to be more considerate for her because she doesn't have that of much control over her body any longer. She cries as she tries to keep her voice level, about how she doesn't want them to experience burying their mother this early.

As they leave their parent's room, Seiya looks at his older brother's face, trying to search for something, anything. Orhei looks stone-cold; somehow, that feels like a betrayal. No words pass between. They immediately part ways when they reach their respective rooms. Seiya locks the door. giving special care to not let the 'click' of the doorknob locking be thunderous in the quiet of the house. He then turns on the stand fand beside his bed, letting the hum-humming of its engine break the almost sacred silence. He lets the noise awash him when he lays down in his bed, buries his head in his pillows, and cries as quietly as he can.

Why

Why now

Why ever

Why my mother

Why us

Almost sacrilegiously, after that talk they had with their mother, Seiya prayed with continuity he never had before. 

It gets worse before it gets better. Their mother had to be frequently secured on a ²nose cannula connected to an oxygen tank situated next to their parents' bed for easier access as the time that she wasn't able to breathe only gets longer and longer. Seiya and Orhei were taught how to operate the oxygen tank so if their mother had a relapse while their father was not around, they would know what to do. It came to the point that their mother had to be readmitted again as nothing was able to alleviate her symptoms, coinciding while their father was at work, leaving it to Seiya and Orhei to ask their neighbors for help bringing their mother to the nearest hospital. Schoolwork got harder to handle. Every additional day his mother stayed there, a bigger part of Seiya fears that one day he's going to come home from school, and learn she's already dead.

She made it, and slowly, painfully, and unsteadily made her way to recovery. Two years ago an eleven years old Seiya had the horror of experiencing the almost death of one of his parents utterly unready. Thirteen-year-old Seiya wonders if this is what his mother felt like, ultimately unable to breathe.

 

His father's tombstone read as follows;

In Memory of

Retired PLT. Colonel Harye R. Anastazya 

January 9, 19xx--September 3, 20xx

You will always be remembered

It's almost funny how it works that the line that separates the date of birth and date of death, that insignificant little line, '--' is what all the most valuable parts end up amounting to in this slab of marble that marks Seiya's father's burial spot 

Just like that, his stable, sheltered world was shaken. His mother was grieving, his brother was too; maybe even more than him as his father and older brother had shared a special bond of mentorship stemming from the fact that as the eldest son, their father was slowly teaching Orhei many tricks of trade that he figured he would later be able to bond over with Seiya too when he was of a more appropriate age. He never has the chance now.

More than anything Seiya just feels lost. He's... It's as if there's something intangible that weights his chest and chokes up his throat and squeezes the place where his heart is located. It's not that he didn't know what he had until it was gone. He knew what he had, he just naively thought that it would never be taken from him.

Thirteen years old Seiya knows that he's not happy, he... wants to stop not being happy. He does not want to be stuck feeling the same way ever again. He wants to go back to normal. 

 

 

Seiya feels dull, aching soreness focused on the back of his head for some time, followed by a sudden sharp throb of pain.

What a desolate trip down memory lane.

Seiya irately runs his fingers through his inky black hair, which without delay falls straight again as soon as he lowers his hand, framing a handsome face that already shows great sign of being devastating which could only blossom more in the future.

He lets out a sigh, then accidentally locks eyes with someone facing his direction.

Seiya, "……"

Charles, "……"

Seiya, "……"

Well, this is awkward. He gives the other a polite smile while trying not to let the uncomfortableness he is feeling leak into his expression.

Charles, "……"

He sighs again, this time only in the privacy of his mind. Seiya crinkles his eyes to make his placid smile appear more genuine. After all, people tend to trust less those they see whose smile does not reach their eyes. The smile he had was then polished to his usual meticulously-practiced charming one, tailor-made to soften his fierce-set expression, a mask of sorts. _Approachable_ , _nice._ The one everyone likes. With these, he is ready.

"Are you going down to look? If you are, it's better to do it now, the other classes would be having their recess soon."

The other finally moves, sending him a slight smile that Seiya can faintly discern also hides just as much awkwardness as his, if not even more so. The fifteen years old boy waits for his classmate to say his piece.

"Someone already spoiled the results for me but I think I would like to see it posted all the same." Charles formally says. "Congratulations." 

Seiya inclines his head in thanks and returns the sentiment as well. Just because they both feel uncomfortable doesn't mean that it shows in their faces. The only reason that Seiya can practically physically feel the awkwardness in the air was just that he's aware of the context.

"Thank you." Seiya gives a short and shallow nod, curt enough to show appreciation but at the same time, lack of interest in further engagement with the other. Charles would get it.  "You too, you deserve it."

Short explanation, Charles Gracia, ranked second in Seiya's section and year.

The two of them quickly excuses themselves from further conversation.

Talk about dead air... 

Contrary to what his inner commentary might make their interaction appear like, he and Charles doesn't actually hold any "enmity" against each other.

The two of them share unspoken solidarity that kick-off when a classmate or even a teacher discusses facts that are extremely inaccurate by accident or ignorance. Seiya unconsciously seeks out Charles' eyes when this happens, and most of the time the other is already peering back at him. They would non verbally indicate to each other on which one of them should thoughtfully correct then placate the person who made a mistake and continues on as normal. A tacit understanding if you may.

Of course, this kind of affinity for each other is not to be confused with romantic interest from either one of them. It's simply being drawn to the person in the room who can keep up with your thoughts. It's not even about gender for Seiya. He's simply just not interested in pursuing potentially high maintenance relationships with anyone. at all. at the time being, especially including the fact that he's only fifteen years old and dependent on his mother's income. People can be exhausting. He's never understood the practice of many students to partake in romantic relationships that realistically won't last longer than their school life anyway. This does not mean that he's bitter, traditionalistic, or judging them. It's just how Seiya views things as they are.

Maybe a little cynical, especially for his age, but interaction with people eventually tend to tire him out easily, so mayhaps that's one of the reasons.

Now here lies at his feet the question. Why the awkwardness?

With his world unstabilized, Seiya latched on to his education as a coping mechanism. To occupy his mind with something besides the uncertainty of what's going to come next, he found himself more determined than ever to hold on to a familiar thing that had been a constant for him before his stump had happened. Being number one. Competitiveness, both healthy and unhealthy followed after and soon took hold of him.

He was eventually able to break away from this toxic mentality and stage an intervention for himself as time passes but it has left somewhat of a mark on him. A subtle show of dominance from the both of them places a barrier between their interactions and places intangible tension in their connection; a thing that is unfortunately unavoidable because the both of them are the type of people that has pride down to their bones.

To be brutally honest, the inherent underlying competitiveness in almost any activity between the two of them, and the unpleasant case of how both of them has to balance and temper their personalities that unconsciously battle for superiority (which he knows is definitely supremely petty) is not even the main reason why he doesn't really mesh well with the other. It's also the fact that he finds Charles' kind of humble bragging and sometimes, arrogance to be…chaffing on the nerves. Oh, he knows that the other may be able to grow out of it in his own time, it's just his frank thoughts of the other at the present.

Also, ...maybe a little bit of misplaced envy and maybe(?) one-sided rivalry from his side if he's going to be honest. Which sometimes, is not that little of a bit. Seiya would be the first to admit that he is neither faultless nor peerless. Especially as he has to live with his own thoughts and brooding, which can be not so very nice at times. He's trying to get better, but he's still got a long way to go.

Two people can be great, but not get well together. Seiya can even honestly say that though he may gripe in his head about the other sometimes, he is truly grateful that there is someone that gets him to pick up his pace and continue striving forward.

He unconsciously clenches his fists.

Striving Forward.

Back then, Seiya can remember stumbling across words that have stuck to him the most when times weren't easy.

Start now. Start where you are. Start with fear. Start with pain. Start with doubt. Start with hands shaking. Start with voice trembling but start. Start and do not stop. Start where you are, with what you have. Just…start.

Whatever the future holds, Seiya is determined to face it with his all. He's going to be alright.

 

* * *

Seiya unhurriedly removes his shoes and places it on a shoe rack next to the door. "I'm home"

"Oh, you're here."

Asshole. I still remember you refusing to close the door in my room the day before yesterday. Fuck you, brother. "Oh, no. No, I'm not here." Seiya snarks back, "Don't mind me and just continue what you were doing."

Orhei dismissively glances at him. "Hi."

Seiya: ಠ_ಠ

Orhei: (¬_¬)

Seiya: (ง’̀-‘́)ง

Damn it, Seiya hates nothing more than when his older brother indifferently answers back like that and his brother knows it too.

He was just about to ignore the other and proceed into the dining area when--. Wait. A. Damn. Second.

"Is that the last piece of pizza from last night that I clearly said was mine?"

Orhei looks a little genuinely startled at this.

"I didn't know. You did?"

What I didn't know. What you did. What genuine. 

"Guess I have to end you now."

 

 

There is no one in the world that can trigger you like no other people can then your sibling. This is a fact that Seiya firmly believes in.

Fact proved. By whom? By him.

If he was to describe the relationship between his older brother and him……hmmm. Actually, he wouldn't know where to even start.

Seiya and Orhei are actually very close because they only have a small age gap which leads to both of them playing often together when they were younger. They weren't the type of siblings that were jealous of each other, whether outwardly or inwardly, or indifferent to each other.

Even when they had fights that sometimes (very rarely) escalate to physical ones, they don't really need to apologize to each other because after some time passes, the both of them would be back to bickering like the little monsters they are who do not care anyhow for the world.

Seiya has this weird finger snap-- finger gun action he got going on with Orhei that usually means a truce that his brother returns back. This signifies that their quarrel had ended. No spoken apologies needed.

Their care for each other is unspoken, unacted in big gestures, not preceded by gentle actions, but there; stable, weirdly comforting, and easy to fall back to. 

Now that he looks back on it, Seiya actually remembers that he and his brother's fights used to get more physical often when they were younger. Not serious ones. Just imagine two little hell spawns trying to strangle each other with their chubby arms and bite each other until the one with lesser will surrenders. Yes, he calls to this very day that his brother was a dumb as shit baby who wants to fight him even though he is two years younger.

On the other hand, Seiya had been told that he had a very mean bite. 

Well, their parents quickly figured out a way to stop these fights of theirs. By giving them an unusual but arm-hair raising punishment.

Seiya and Orhei had to stand in the corner of a room and embrace each other for longer about an hour, without any hostile actions from either of them or the punishment would lengthen, and stay there as their parents photographed the two of them……hugging each other while forced by their parents to smile, unable to even give the other offending party a brief painful squeeze in fear of longer punishment time. Irrevocably and utterly disgusted.

Young Seiya and Orhei came out of the experience completely traumatized and grossed out with each other. From that day on, most of their fights settled down to the two of them passively-aggressively throwing shade at each other in any way they can.

 

 

Seiya left his room to have dinner with his mother and brother.

Even before their father died, their family always has had the practice of eating dinner together when they can, because all the members were busy most of the time and this was the only meal they can share with everyone physically present.

Along the way, he stumbled into his brother who was just coming out of his room.

Of course, the both of them decides to be petty and act like animals out of their cage for the first time in a very, very long time (as their father would have said), mannerless,  and not let the other cross the narrow path first that leads to the stairs.

"Me first. Get out of the way." Seiya deliberately ignores the fact that he could just let the other cross first and then quickly follow afterward.

It's the principle of things. Why should he be the one to back down?

"No you."

"No, you."

"You."

"You."

"You."

"You."

"You, you, you. I'm older anyway."

"And I'm more handsome."

"So? Also, not true. You get out of the way."

Ok, now he's getting annoyed. Seiya then thought of something then smirks.

Seiya, "Want a hug?"

Orhei, "……" Stop.

Not thick-skinned enough. What Seiya did was actually a gamble on his side. If the other responded positively to his question, then _he_ will be the one trapped. Sometimes shamelessness wins the race. With Orhei stunned, Seiya took the opportunity to dash with no particular grace past the other and approach the stairs. He places his hands on the railings so that his older brother won't be able to get past him when he eventually recovers, and comes down first. As you do.

Seiya, "¯\\_(ツ)_/¯".

Standing in the dining room with a shoulder bag tucked in arm; Their mother has one hand up, slowly massaging her temple, her eyebrows faintly scrunched. She then proceeded to put down her bag on the second step of the stairs and sit down on a chair.

Ah, so it seems their mother bested them both to the table.

"I'm a bit dizzy. Give me a moment." Dr. Mary took off her high ponytail, letting black hair with greying streak fall down.  "I brought pizza again." She points at the table. "An officemate was cleared for promotion. We decided to eat out to celebrate it, and now you get the good stuff again. Lucky kids that you are"

Wait, really? But...

Orhei beat him to the punch.

"You're really bull-headed--"

"Watch your mouth."

"Mother. You know this is bad for your health."

"I know, I know. It's not for me."

"So you want us to believe that--"

"I'm a--"

Very good. Fighting at the dinner table. 

His mood is starting to take a nosedive, he better distract himself lest he loses his apetite.

Seiya took the chance to divide the slices of pizza between him and his brother while the two were still talking. Three pieces for Orhei and five for him. None for his mother since they are trying to limit the unhealthy foods she was eating. It's the reason why his brother was aggravated in the first place, and Seiya agrees with him at this point, anyway-- That's a good division of pieces. Fair enough. Seiya nods to himself, mood alleviated.

"Now its--- Wait." As Orhei was about to say more to their mother, he glanced sideways for a moment and saw what Seiya did at the table. "You're so childish. Why did you take five?!"

"You took mine earlier."

"Still."

"Nah, its food. I'm not gonna give you more of mine."

"You know that's not fair."

"Well, you did take mine earlier."

Orhei clicked his tongue and sighed. "Forget it."

They settled down and started dinner with small talks here and there.

"Are you participating enough in class discussions? What about activities? You're in a new school so that's a new environment Orhei, are you doing your best?"

"One at a time, ma." Orhei retorts

"Well, I'm just saying that you've gotta double your efforts. I know you've been slacking off because of these computer games."

Seiya silently observes his brother and sees him making a face that looks somewhat stuck between a sigh and an eye roll.

"And you Seiya? You seem silent. What about your behavior in school? I may be harsh but at least I've never made a teacher or a FRIEND cry because of academics."

"This again? That was one time." He thinks. Really, it kinda frustrates him that these kinds of things always get brought up over and over. Seiya had always been the opinionated one of the siblings, he just got better at polishing, but not blunting his hard and raw edges. He's learning, trying, pushing down his more unpleasant self and trying to grow the way they've always taught him to.

Orhei snorts and regards his brother with amusement faintly visible in his expression. "Pffffft. That person is practically a different one in school. So nice, so nauseating."

"I'm not faking it. It's just that what I show there is not all there is to me." And really, that's it. It's not a facade, it's just not who he is all in all. He doesn't even think he shows himself all-in-all to his family. It's no one's business but his own anyway.

Seiya absentmindedly scanned his view with his gaze and was about to return his attention to eating; when, by the window in the living rooms visible from where he's sitting; covered by translucent curtains, he thought he saw something move.

Was it a trick of the light?

He feels a lightheaded all of a sudden. 

He looks around for a moment and almost _feels_ very slight distortion enter his vision. Red and blue apparition mixing to form shadows around everything his eyes see.

The sound of a chair scraping against ceramic tiles could be heard from a room that suddenly seems all too muted.

"Hey--", Seiya blinks twice in an attempt to refocus his sight, "I'm going to look at something."

It feels like he is in a trance, moving on his own accord but heady and drunk from something he does not know of.

Orhei paused from eating. "Right now?"

"Yeah…"

He walked towards the window, feeling a little chilled but not knowing the reason why.

Multiple loud barks ripped through the relative peace of the night. 

Seiya reached the window, flipped aside the curtains, opened the latch, and looked outside. The first thing he notices is that it was a moonless night outside, tall steel street lamps illuminating the grounds in its stead with dim yellowish-orange sheen. Still, it was quite dark. From his gaze peered upwards, he apprehensively turns his gaze lower.

Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark!

\--And stared straight into a hooded figure wearing what appears to be a dusty black coat standing near some trees, watching him back without motion.

The dogs barking became more fervent. A long howl joining the sound.

Seiya stood frozen, transfixed. It is probably fear that took hold of his chest, gripping his heart so tightly he paused breathing for a beat. He closed his eyes firmly and after some seconds was almost able to calm himself, facing the window head-on once more with his eyes still closed, about to open it, when he felt a hand pat his cheeks lightly.

The palm that touches his face feels clammy, cold

Hell. No.

Seiya's jaw started to hurt from how much pressure his teeth are exerting into it as he tries to keep himself calm and unmoving.

Please don't be what I think this is.

"Hey, hey! You're trembling! Seiya! What happened. Seiya! Listen!" A slap was delivered by the same hand that tapped his cheeks lightly before.

Seiya opened his eyes widely. He turned his head to his older brother relieved to the highest degree. Just what was that? "Orhei…Orhei is there…something-- can you see anything outside?!"

"What? You've definitely gone crazy. Of course there's something outside. That's common sense. Tsk."

Seiya can't even muster the snappish retort that his brother's words normally deserve. He forces his teeth to stop bearing so much on each other, and replays in his head the image he saw a second ago.

The barking had stopped. The stinging breeze that has probably drifted inside since he opened the windows hasn't.

Seiya turned his eyes back to the window---

The barking came back, noticeably louder than before, with much more dogs making the cacophony of sounds. Not a threat, not this night. A warning. 

\---And was greeted with the sight of the hooded figure maybe five feet apart from the window walking even closer, reaching a dark, greying arm in front of him.

Well.

Seiya doesn't know what came over him that possessed him to act the way he did. Maybe it was adrenaline or maybe (undeniably) he has gone crazy. But whatever it was, it doesn't matter because his actions still were what they were.

Plain Insanity.

When the figure in front of him was less than a feet away from the window; without skipping a beat, Seiya put on his patented most polite smile tried and tested through trials and tribulations (namely: people), and projected an imperturbable expression in his face, and calmy, appearing uncaringly, took the outstretched hand of the figure. Rather than the ice-cold feeling he surmised, it was unexpectedly warm.

Don't waver. Don't quiver. Seiya tells himself.

Then without further ado, he gave the hand a firm, practiced handshake, rehearsed through hundreds and hundreds of people congratulating him, looking at the spot where a human's eyes are supposed to be, and outwardly patiently regarded the owner of the hand.

"Nice to meet you." He widens his smile just so that his eyes begin to squint. First impressions may not shape all your ensuing interaction but it leaves its marks nevertheless. Internally he's in homeostasis. Yes, he decides that he has gone _mad_.

Seiya finds breathing to be easier now, his heart no longer palpitating as much. He breathes in, breathes out, inhales slowly interspacing seven seconds, and exhaled in eleven. He tricks his system into thinking that everything is just fine.  

The faceless figure, "……" 

Seiya finally dropped the hand he was holding. "Yeah, If you'll excuse me."

"Seiya's finally snapped from his nice act. He's now decided to introduce himself to air, and hope it can be his friend. That's sad."

Too high-strung, his brother's words caused him to snap out of his--, 'state' and breaks through his sangfroid. "Shut the fuck up, Orhei."

"Watch your fucking profanity, punk."

He looked back to the window for what he swears is going to be the last time that night, and finally finds the figure gone. Seiya narrows his eyes. No, that was definitely not just his imagination.

Those hands had felt warm.

 

* * *

More than a month has passed after that bizarre night encounter that seems like no one in his family beside him is aware of.

Seiya was having what could be considered a normal day for him. He had just left school and was about to go home when he decides to take a detour to buy something to nibble on his way to his house 

With the sun unrelentingly bearing its scorching rays down to the flood of afternoon traffic of people, it was a humid day that Seiya encountered an oddity that will mark the start of problems for him in the future. But that is for the future him to consider.

Right now the current-Seiya is still braving his way amongst the deluge of people that came from office breaks, school dismissal, and many others that just happen to be there in time for the noontime traffic. How inconvenient.

He was in the middle of the busy road when he suddenly bumps to someone, the force of the impact sending him staggering backward with a shaky step. Regaining his balance, he immediately turns to apologize to the person he collided with.

He receives no response.

Seiya brought his head up from its slightly bowed position to take a glance at the person in front of him, idly wondering if whoever it is is going to be turn out to be the kind of person who would start to angrily rant at him right in the center of the exacting crowd. He hopes not.

That would be very irritating and he would even have to placate the other, forced to act civilly. Trying to play nice sure can be very tiring.

He sees someone wearing a black hoodie with the hood fully covering their face, arms tucked in the pouch in front of their clothes. Motionless; and wordlessly just standing in front of him. Something gives Seiya the impression that the other is observing him. He has learned throughout the years to trust these instincts. Wearing black from top to bottom fully covered without a bit of their skin showing. In the middle of the afternoon. While the sun is at its hottest. Even he can tell that's shady and suspect as hell. Fuck no. Not today.

Seiya takes a full step backward, bows his head a tad lower than before, solemnly murmurs an apology, and evenly continues walking to the direction he was going before. Then, when the figure is long but of range, Seiya, without looking at any other direction except to the front, clenches his fingers around his backpack's straps tighter, and hightails out of there, running towards the familiar road leading closer to his house.

He promptly decides that there are to be no more detours for him today.

Back in the crowd of people in that populated area, the figure turns their head to the direction Seiya had proceeded to, and almost listlessly; holds out their left hand as if trying to reach out to something.

 

 

Meanwhile, Seiya continued running and only slowed down when he arrives at a familiar crossroad that leads into three different paths. The right one to the main road, the left one to a different path of the city altogether and the one in front of him leading closer to his house. He paused to catch his breath and released his hold on his backpack's straps.

In his almost frantic dash to this direction, the sun has stopped bearing down as much, what might even be rain clouds gathering in its wake.

Strange. Usually this time of the afternoon, although not bustling with people, Seiya would see multiple someones treading the same road as him.

Really, this is not what he needs right now after what had happened just a while ago.

He sighs. He better not have jinxed himself.

Well, nothing to do about it now other than to keep walking forward. Seiya steels himself and resolves to keep his wits about him whatever may hay happen. It's not paranoia if you've literally faced and shaken hands with a nightmare-inducing faceless figure in the middle of the night at what you thought are the relative comforts of your home after all.

With his determination fully realized, Seiya walked neither slowly nor hurriedly, instead keeping his pace even as he brings his feet to take one step after another towards the path in front of him.

Along the way, he saw a man carrying an umbrella pass him by; coming from his left and continuing towards his right.

Seiya's feet feel a little sore from all the walking that he has been doing. So he scraps his leather shoes on the pavement as he advances, keeping himself amused by frivolous things like keeping his footsteps exactly as long as each other, or just as short.  
  
The clouds are starting to thicken more, even darken. He really should have brought something to shield him from the rain.

He reaches the next crossroad on the way to his house that also separates into three different directions.

Seiya continues walking forward when another person passes by him, this time coming from his right and continuing towards his left. From his peripheral view, he catches a glimpse of their retreating back, and if he is not mistaken, an umbrella hooked into the person's arm.

He continues dragging his feet, but then suddenly, as he was watching his shoes scuff against the ground, his eyes roved over to the man's shadow.

Or rather, the place where his shadow should have been.

There is none.

Seiya keeps walking.

He finally reaches the last crossroad before his destination, but this time, he is alert and ready. He keeps his gaze straight forward, and from the corner of his eye, he sees a man with an umbrella hooked to his arm, coming from his left walking to his right about to pass by him. Seiya stays his feet when the man is already in front of him, then slightly tilts his head.

"Much appreciated." Seiya carefully doesn't say the words 'thank you'.

The man pauses for a fraction of a second wherein Seiya was able to glimpse a small caricature of a smile briefly take over his face. After that moment that seemed to last for a long time but also no time at all, the man continues his pace, as if nothing out of the ordinary has taken place and proceeds walking to Seiya's right; strangely pinging Seiya's instinct that there is something cheery in the way his umbrella infinitesimally swings from side to side.

Seiya wonders if the clouds overhead really did lighten up, or his brain was just imagining things that would make the experience less anti-climatic than what he feels it should have been.

He's getting distracted again. No. Focus.

Now, what to do. Does he turn back to the very first crossroad and try to start all over again? What if that doesn't work and he meets the man for the last time. That would be terribly disappointing as he had just acted as if he knew what he was doing. Hmmm. Does he turn his shirt inside out and hope for the best? Or call someone from home. Maybe Orhei is already in the house? Decisions, decisions. Let's not do the first option because what if he meets the man to the way there. Maybe his second idea may have some merit.

Seiya took off his shirt then and there in the middle of the unoccupied street, completely unabashed if anyone were to see him. No one would care anyway. Heh, what do you know? Maybe this little fanservice scene would even enable him to live a little longer if his life we're a story, he certainly needs the added invincibility of key characters with all the proverbial shit that's been going down on him lately. Is it fourth wall breaking if your only audience is your imagination? Wait. He seems to have recalled that fanservice characters always die first in horror movies after a little show of skin. Shit. He's Imagining unreal scenarios with an audience in his head again 

This should do, then. Maybe. Hopefully. Please? Well just to be sure…… Seiya took out his phone and clicked contacts, scrolling through various names in the A section. [Aaron].....[Alexei].....[Allie].....[Allison].....[Asher]. Ah, found it. His thumb hovered over a particular contact name. [Asshat]. Three guesses on to whose number it is, the last two don't count. Seiya expressionlessly presses the call button and waits for the other to pick up his phone. The call connects.

Seiya doesn't bother with any pleasantries.

"You in the house?"

"Guess."

"What if I don't want to?"

"Well, I also don't want to answer your question."

"Guess I'll die then."  ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

"Haist, why are you this troublesome?"

"Guess."

"Stop that. Why do want to know?"

Seiya debates for a full second whether to tell Orhei to guess again before he decides to desist for once since he is going to be asking the other for a favor.

:/

"Can you come pick me up? I'm here at the intersection next to the big mango tree. You know, the one near a store."

"Huh? Why can't you come home by yourself? Did something happen? If you're beaten up I swear to God you better have fcked up those other kids just as good. Hold up, I'm coming."

"The heck? What do you take me for?! Hey wait--"

The call disconnects.

"Troublesome." Seiya muttered with a low voice, all the while fighting to suppress a smile from breaking free into his lips.

Well, he supposed it can be nice to have siblings some times. Seiya stays put and waits for his older brother to arrive.

 

* * *

A year passes. And another too.

Seiya is now seventeen years of age. Seventeen years old and fighting for his life. Again. For the nth time. Goddamn. And he. Is. Winning.

Fifteen years old Seiya never even thought in his wildest imagination that there would be a day where he will be so desensitized to the seemingly endless daily attempts on his life from all directions; whether from people, animals, natural disasters, objects-- especially objects, and various other kinds of sources both directly and indirectly that it would be just like any other day of the week. But here we are. Paranoid as hell, prepared like no other, and still alive and kicking. Probably mostly out of spite.

Still completely sane, and that's very important as far as he was concerned. Though some days are more trying than the others.

It has gotten to the point where an attempted murder from a random mugger would at most get him to blankly look at the other before plainly declaring, "Not today." while dead inside, then beat the shit out of the supposed criminal, or run. His running skills have definitely improved leaps and bounds. He refuses to die just because of some small fry like that.

Seiya was never one to be like a sitting duck in the water when there are issues that need to be dealt with. He vehemently refuses to let neither stupidity, ignorance, nor helplessness be the end of him when he could have done more, making him act as soon as he was aware of the pattern of the increasingly dangerous situations he has been getting into since that fateful day two years ago. Like heck he is going to rely on his at most average luck to keep him alive and get him out of dangerous situations. He either steps the fuck up or sits the fuck down. By which; in this case sitting down means he's already buried six feet underground and on a casket. He'll literally sleep only when he is dead, and he is going to live. In his house, its ride or die. Beginner's luck will only hold for so long, and there are no second chances to be had.

It started with small things.

A speeding truck coming out from nowhere that he only managed to barely avoid when he saw it about to run him over in the corner of his eye. The driver claiming that he didn't saw Seiya standing there just a second ago. 

The driver was drunk, Dr. Mary sued both him and the company owner of the truck to kingdom come. So that's that.

An inconspicuous banana peel at the top of the stairs at his school that Seiya immediately zeroed in, which everyone else seems to subconsciously avoid.

Really, a banana peel?

Little accidents that gave him bruises and wounds that when Seiya looked back to it now, could have just as easily caused his early departure/death/demise. ~~(damnation)~~

Then it escalated.

Pure acid just happens to almost splash directly to his face, had Seiya not managed to bring his arms up to cover his turned head, causing him severe burns that ached for weeks that fortunately did not require grafting or surgery.

A rabid dog almost takes a chunk out of him had he not managed to run fast enough and lose the animal. The dog only persistently chasing after him and no other person.

A man in a motorcycle pointing a gun at him and demanding for money that Seiya doesn't have that time; where he manages to overturn the situation by performing a maneuver his father taught him: grabbing the handle of the gun and pulling it towards his direction but not pointed anywhere near him and twisting his arm so he was the one holding the gun, He smoothly cocks the gun (the gun was not even cocked. An Amateur.) then shot the rider in the left knee, cocking it again then shooting at the right one, and finally, the motorcycle's front tire. Fuck that guy

Then the incident on the rooftop.

~~Then~~

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

~~Ţ̸̧̨̨̢̨̨̧̢̟̗̻̼͖̭̝̮̜͎͖̜̭͖̰̯̦̥͍͍͖͎̻̞͔̭̗̫̯͔͓̞͙͓̙͇̦̟͇̪̘͖͇̩͇͚̥͉̣̬̬̪̳̳̖͎̖̺̮̩̙̯̩̟̪̮͔̘̜̗͖͕̰̺͉̯̲̳͍͇͇̻͔̘̮͔̤̘̍̍̋̈́̄̇̋͋̽͊͂͆́̍̉̐̇̓̾͊̈́͊̌̈́̀̎̈͊̍̒̏̑̉̐̈̈́̑̄̓̓̓͛̆͗̄͂̈̉̑̉͋̒́͂̊́̈̌͗̂̈́̏̅̔̈̾̈́̉̔̂̆͗̽̅̓̆͗̄͗̓̋̋̆̍͊̾̅̒̋̄͛̍̈́̇̈́̒͋́̇̔͗̔̾͛͋̏̇̈́̏̈̐͊̏̔́̔͛̂̋͛̔̓̚̚͘̚̕̚̚͘̚͝͠͠͝͠͠͝͠͝͝͝͠͠͝ͅͅh̸̢̡̡̨̢̢̢̡̧̧̢̧̡̢̧̨̢̡̢̡̛̛̰̹̜̦͎̙̳͍̝͓͍͚̝͇̹̥̲̖̪͔̙̭̜̲̤͕̟̯̤̺̥̰̭͎̼̲͇̠̹͔͖̝̤̜̺̯̦̞͚̳͓̖̠̦͎̟͎̳͍͕̯͙͎̲̼̹͖̬̟͈̺̮̯̯̗̬̭̣̠̭̙̮̺̥̜͔̹̼͔̘̻̭̙̦̻̰̩̮̩̜̰̟̘̺̝̠̝̖͙̟̠̭̼̮̬̠̰͓̦̬͔̟͎̭̯̮̣͓̱͚̞̦̹̱̙̳͕̝̤͓̱̙̟̫̹̲͖͎̫̞͈̱̰̭̝̼̹̮͖̞͎͎̔̑͊̏̾͌̃͛͂̉̒̈́̋̂̒̅̿̓͑̀̈́̋̃̈́̿̈́̂̂̅̽͆͂̅͒̄͛̌̂̾͆͋̈́͒̿̽̑͗́͛̌̎̑̓͛͋̋̐̔̓̊̈̎͂͌́̍̓̐̓̏̐͒̾̍́̂̇͋͆͊̐̑̓̅͊͒̓̓̃̾̃̈́̈́̂̚̕͘̚̚̕͘̚͜͜͜͜͜͝͠͝͝͝͠͝͝͝͝ͅͅͅȩ̷̧̡̨̛̛̛̟͚͙̬̞̠̙̯̟̘̜͎̪͈̹̦̫̘͎͓͙̹̘̥͍͉͍͓͙̳̯̗̺͖̳͕̮̻͓̞̥̰̲̱̣̠̹͎̘̰̬̤͉͓̬͍̹̲͇̝͍͚̑͒̔̒̆͊̎̿̍̂̏͒̈́̄̓̈́̑͋̊̆͒̓̂̔́̒̀̌̃͂͋̎̑̀́͛̆͊͛̈̅̂͊̈́́́̅̈̿̎́̌̈̊̒͗͐͐̀̃̄͒͒̂͑̊͂͛̄̇̽̔̐̋̚͘̕̕̕̚̚͘̕̚͘͘͜͜͜͝͝͠͝͝ͅͅn̵̢̧̧̧̢̛̛̛̛̛̖̱̜͕̺͈̯͇͉̰̭̝̜̘̳͉̮̲̯͔̻̺̪̗̲̲̗͇̯̤͇͓̳͕̦͍̗̱̳̱̪͈͚͖̳̰̰̺̟̫͎͍̗̫̗̳̜͈̻̼͗͛̇̓͂̂̍̏̈́̈́̇̏͒͋͊͒͆̂̆̽̌̄̌͛̅̄̉̋̍̈́̉̒̀̏̋̄̉͂͛̆̆̏̈̓̈́̔̽̐̒̆͆͒̊́̒̏̍̂̍̓͂̈́̾̈́͂͐̆̐̉̑̽̃͋͒̅͐̊̍̈́͂̑̓̅͑͛̅̌̇͋̾̔̾̒̇̽̅͘͘̚̕͘̕̕̕̕͘̚̚̚̕͘͜͝͝͝͠͝͠͝͠͝͝͝͠͝-̶̧̧̡̡̧̡̧̨̢̢̧̡̡̡̨̨̨̧̧̧̧̢̧̡̢̧̢̡̛̛̛̛̛̻̮̞̠̪̙̮̝̳͖͇̭̖̼̰͇̰͓̦̩̰̖̗̺̥̲̣̣̜͎̺͈̱̜̥̦̬̮͔͔̥̦̪͓̻̬͚͎͖̬̹̭̮͖̲̫̯̤͇̤̦͔͉̘͓͔̳̗̳͙̮̪͍͚̻̫͕̼͉̙͔̠͔̙̹̖̯̝̘͓̰͓̭̥̜͇͎̜͇͕͕̹̪̰̞͇͖̦̣̬̯̣͓̜͎̜̞̮͍̠̞̞͈̜̯̺͙̟̣͕͙͙̦͚͙͔̱͈̦̹̲̬͖͓͙̳̪̠͇̱̺̠̤̪͈͔͇͓̟̬̩̫̠̺͈̪̣̱̳͉͖͖̯̯̦͖̟̾̊͒̄̋̄̒͋̓̈́̈̅͐̌̒̿̿͑͑̾̇̎̄̃̒̉͆̌́̈͗͑͗̍̓͗̓͛͊̊̋̄͗͆̈͛͐́͂͂̇̒̅̽̃̇͗̈̎̄͆̓̾͂̉̾͒͂̌̿̈̋̋̉͆͑͒̐͋͑͐͒͒̋̌̎̊̈́͂̓̃͐̄̌͋̉͒́͋̔̄͌̂͐̋̃̑̍͑͑̓̈́͒̌͂̾̽̅̌̇͑̇͛͂̐̆͒̈́̍̍͂̎͑̐̑̾̅̈́̄̒̾͐̄̀̑̊́͌͒͂̓̓͛̓̇̋́̽͛̊̄̈́̋̈̈́̐̾̄̐͒̂͆̋̀͆̄͊̒̑̑͐̔͌̕͘͘͘̚̕̚̚͘͘͘̚͘̕̕͘̕͘͜͜͜͜͜͝͝͝͝͝͝͝͝͝͝͠͠ͅͅͅͅ-̴̨̨̨̢̡̧̧̢̢̨̨̡̢̢̧̡̡̨̧̨̡̢̢̨̧̨̢̧̢̧̣͎̠͉̹̬̫̗̙͉̘͎̞̜̳̦̗̗͚̣͈͍͔̰͖̥̘̖͚͖̳̙̜̤̯̪͕̭̰͎̯͕̻̲͙̥͖̠̣͇̯͙̰̖̭̗͇̜̲͖̖̫̱͓̠͚̲̣͔̮̳̘̙̳͚̜̰̬̰̬͙̬̠͍̥͉̖̟̤͚͉̟͉̠͇̥̠̫̣̦̘͔͉͇͕̳̞̥̺͉̪̫̗͓͔͕͈̥̘͇͔̮̭̥̱̮͓̝̫̙̰͓̟͕̪̫̟̭̫͖̹̪͉̱̰̻͔̭̰̳͕̝͍͇̮͓̣̖͉̲̖̭̰͕͓̤̳̞͍̰̞͎̟̭̲͚̞͕͖̤͎̥̭̭̭͈͙̩̰̼̹͙͚̰̘̜̯̳͍̠͖̺̠͓͓̳̗̦̺̯̯͑͗̈́̊̊̈́́̽̇̍̍̃̈̽̑̉͂̅͐̆̈́̿̔̑̓̐̍̔̂͒̕͘͜͜͜͜͜͜͜͝͠͝͠͝͝͝͝ͅͅͅͅͅ-̷̨̢̜̲͉͈̭̰̟͈̬͍̻̘̜̬̬̮̤̖̺͈͕͖̩̺͔̬̺̫̟̉̈́͋͐̾̎̈́̆̂͊͑̃͆̂̆̆̐͌͌͆̿̓̃̌̈́͑̾̚̚͘͘͝͝͝~~

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fortunately for him, things aren't always that depressing and bleak.

There are surprising, but not entirely unpleasant side effects of these situations. Seiya can tell that his reflexes and reaction time are visibly getting better. His stamina and endurance higher. His speed and coordination faster. Physical traits he's never focused on or have neglected being put under constant pressure to measure the limits of his body and break through them. Its..something.

But it is still not enough. Not if he's in it for the long run. Which, he really, _really_ is. Despite all the shit it has given him, Seiya loves life.

The world is fucking beautiful.

Hence, Seiya decided to take matters into his own hands.

School is already hectic, but somehow he manages to work things out. He asks his mother to enroll him in a self-defense class and for permission to return to taekwondo practices that he had not been keeping up with for at least five years now. It would be better for him to start with something that he already has the basic foundation of than to too ambitiously start with some more taxing martial arts that are deemed more attractive by mainstream media representation. 

After two years he attained ⁴1st Degree Blackbelt. Not to say though that he has become insanely strong (though he kinda wishes it did), after all, ranked advancement in taekwondo mainly relies on the utilization of skills. Seiya knows he still has a long way to go. During those two years, he also dabbled in different extreme sports like rock climbing, free diving, mountain biking, and basic parkour.

Courting death became a monthly, then a weekly thing. Dancing to the tune of the end itself and slipping away from its hold at the very last moment becoming routine.

He loved those moments as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, and in between shadows and the soul. 

Seiya tried learning basic first aid skills as well, although, _learning_ is quite a strong word for it. Though he thinks he learned some things anyway? Well, first through the internet (which was actually not as good of a source as he was hoping for, with it abounding of remedies that are hacks or plainly untrue) and then by asking to volunteer in his school's clinic during his free time, which is admittedly a little better than his first action, but only by a negligible amount because his school's clinic doesn't really receive any patients with particularly "enlightening" afflictions. No extensive broken bones and the likes. Which is good. But you know.

Nothing like pain to motivate you to mug up though, so he takes in what he can and learn the things that are big NO's for first aid. He becomes accustomed to short sleeping hours as he tried to cram as much studying as he could at night as graduation is fast approaching and he is more determined than ever to graduate at the top of his class for validation from himself and maybe those around him with all the things happening around him. 

He reads and reads and learns and learns as much as he can; as knowledge can literally be a matter of life and death for him. And somehow, he lives up to his graduation and marched as the valedictorian of his year. Tired, beaten down, but utterly proud of himself and happy.

He thinks then; neck adorned with medals of his achievements, surrounded by his family and friends, with a beaming smile on his usually outwardly calm face, that this must be what living at the height of your life is like. And even with all the things happening around him, he wishes things would never have to change.

"I'm so proud of you Sei."

"Congratulations, squirt."

Too bad for him that life has never played fair.

 

* * *

Dr. Maretta K. Anastazya was a proud woman who came from a family that brings no benefit and a lot of excess baggage who had always fought to get whatever she had ever held in her hands.

She was the farthest thing from the kind of mother who's gentle, soft- spoke, open to vulnerability and easy to talk to about personal things.

She has a hard time apologizing for even the smallest infractions. She has an inferiority complex stemming from her upbringing a mile wide. She dislikes being told she is in the wrong. She expects high results from her children all the time. She's always too loud. And she is too set on her ways.

But she has always been trying for her family. She guides with a touch of condescension and expectations but always with concern and desire for them to have things better. She wants them to learn hardships and storms in their stable ships, but what she had always wanted and given for them is a life free from the things she lived through. She frequently asks about their lives and experiences at the end of the day even though the asking never comes without lectures. She loves them and is never soft about it but she does her best in showing it in actions that don't choke up her chest, and she always, always keeps moving.

If Seiya were to be honest, He would say that sometimes he feels cheated. He feels angry that his lingering memories are of his mother sick, invalid, and weak.

There were no villains in this fight, only hard decisions. There were no other words for it than her wasting away and impending death the only thing awaiting her. Seiya can't explain the fury, but mostly fear and helplessness he felt course through his very being when the doctor asked him and his older brother if they would choose to pull the plug.

How dare he?! Just how dare he say that to them?! How dare he devalue their mother's life just like that. How dare he play at being a god. How dare he tell them the reality of what's inevitable. How dare of him to make them face the truth.

Seiya's mother passed away in her sleep one hot summer morning hooked to a multitude of tubes and machines in a cold hospital room with Seiya and Orhei sitting by her bedside and crying their eyes out uncaring of any pretext.

With a voice croaky from unuse and shaky from weariness, she spoke for the last time, her eyelids closed and face strangely serene.

"Live. Live and keep living on. Win, because I might be dying now and weak and at my last breath. But let me tell you this. I still won everything."

A horrible, terrible, sound that Seiya thought he would only hear in television resounded throughout the room some minutes after that. A lifeline flatlining. A silence broken too quickly with heavy breathes. Seiya feels painpainpain. It makes him dizzy with regret, removed from his head, choked and unable to breathe.

He doesn't close his eyes though but instead stares. His mother looks peaceful in her death bed. This is what he wants to remember her as, and not her weak and helpless as she was when she was sick because this is what his mother deserves. He looks and looks as his vision blurs with tears that won't stop coming and eyes stinging. He looks and puts her words to heart. He looks and wonders why is it that she fought with her fullest but still lost to the sickness. He looks and wonders why it had to come to this. He looks and wonders if he and his brother would be okay.

Amidst his tears, he deprecatingly ponders that he doesn't actually know what paperwork the two of them have to fill now. They don't teach these kinds of things in school.

It hurts to breathe now.

 

Not even six months after that, he begins to wonder if all this is even worth it.

 

 

Seiya always knew that sometime in the future, his luck would run out and all his knowledge and skills would fail him. 

He just didn't know it would be this soon.

Ah, Orhei I hope you can be okay. Live, alright?

Seiya and Orhei were walking home together that day. Little things that seem inconsequential before their mother's death like grocery shopping for hygienic supplies now taking its toll on them. Cotton buds were always accessible to them before, now it isn't. 

Now they've got to live with their reality.

It was like any other day in a life where both their parents are already dead. Except for one thing.

Several plastic bags in both hand, The two of them were walking at the side of the road when a scream attracted their attention-- and just about everyone else on sight.

"Hey! That kid is about to be run over!!!---"

Immediately other voices joined the commotion.

"Oh my god!--"

"Somebody!!--"

"Where the hell are that girl's parents--"

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck--"

"Anyone--"

"Stop the driver!--"

"He won't hear--"

Voices fought over each other in the suddenly noisy crowd. Someone takes out their phone to call an ambulance. Another one to record the accident. No one tries to interfere between the child and the truck.

To be honest, smart of them.

Not so smart of him, but there are way worse ways to die. 

Seiya experienced a split second of hesitation before he dashed to the middle of the road, grocery in hand in hand and pushed the little girl as hard as he can away from the truck.

So this is what does him in, huh? Fair enough. He sees the way the driver's eyes widen and hears the sound of feet frantically pressing the brake pedal of a vehicle. Too late for that.

Stupid and presumptuous to of him to try playing at being a hero. /*Sigh/, but how else would the world continue to prosper if no one extends a helping hand? There really are way worse ways to die. Who hasn't had a dream of getting to be a hero even for a brief time? Seiya may not consider himself an entirely good person but as it turns out, childish dreams and impulses do follow you from the moment you've grasped them and split-second decisions can change lives for better or for worse.

Give him the name of someone who has never wanted to feel like they are a good person and Seiya will think they are either too prideful to admit it or a liar.

Time doesn't slow down. The world doesn't stop moving. And Seiya wasn't even able to close his eyes yet. For being the thing most people fear, death sure doesn't seem that bad. He looks towards his brother's direction for what he thinks is going to be the last time. A beginning of a smile starts to make its way into his face causing his eyes to start squinting-- when his eyes widened to its fullest extent almost immediately, pupils contracting uncontrollably.

Wait--

Brother--

Why--

Why--

Why did you?--

Don't-

The sickening sound of bone breaking could be heard amidst the place. Crimson starts to fill the young man's clothes and spread to the ground. Freshly spilled and still bright. Nauseating.

 

* * *

The click-clacking of different footwear stepping across gravel could be heard resounding throughout the quiet cemetery. Dense, dark cloud covering what was supposed to be a vibrant blue sky. Big rivulets of water rained down the procession, the wind seemingly not deciding to ravage its way throughout the place for this moment. Puddles of muddy water are everywhere. It was dark, damp, and cold.

A perfect day for a funeral.

...And for gossipmongers, it seems.

"Poor child, he's all alone now."

\--Solicitous

"Wonder what'll happen to him."

\--Dismissive.

"He's so young."

\--Motherly.

"How pitiful."

\--Condescending.

"But my, how sorry must he be--"

\--...

"Hey lower your voice--!

"Oh, but from what I heard this so-called 'grievous child' tried to meddle in someone else's business and--"

"Hear, hear"

"--essentially caused his brother's death. My. How inexcusable."

"He's a child!"

"Oh puuleez, he's seventeen years old already."

"This. is. a. funeral."

"All alone now, wonder what'll happen to the family inheritance. Quite a sizeable amount if rumors were to be believed."

"Psssh. With the mother's hospital bills and all the death arrangements?"

"Pitiful, really, really, pitiful."

"Vultures you all are."

Amidst the cacophony of too loud whispers that Seiya can hear all too well, the young man continued unfathomably looking at his brother's wake while almost childishly holding his umbrella with two hands both not on the handle, the top part touching his head with how low he was holding the lower part, just as he always had.

Really, why are these people here again? Haven't we always detested coming to relatives' funeral we couldn't care less about and swore we wouldn't make other kids bear this nonsense in ours when we joke about it? 

Seiya brings the cover of his umbrella even closer to his head and tilts it just about right at an angle that would briefly cover the entirety of his face.

Guess I've failed you again, huh? Orhei-- no, brother.

Seiya bitterly smiles, but just as quickly as it came did the expression vacate his face. He feels disconnected, cold, angry, and… and nothing.

They played sappy songs in the procession we would definitely have a good laugh about but I couldn't even muster a smile for good time's sake.

Godamn it, why aren't you here?

It rained so hard. The ground was muddy and my foot sunk in one particularly deep puddle, we would have hated going to this particular funeral. Our parents would be so angry at us and scold us about social interaction and about what others would think. 

Now what.

I--

The rain falls harder.

Seiya chokes on his tears as he thinks of words he would never get to say to the ones who needed to hear it.

Too late.

I-- don't feel comfortable with spoken affection. None of us do. God, why did it come to this? I wish you were all here. Why did you have to go?! Why do I get to be the one left all alone?! Why couldn't things last? I don't want this.

He brings a hand to cover his damp eyes as he looks towards the heavens.

The world will continue on as it always has. Now he has to continue on as well or he will be swept along the current.

Seiya is still choking on the hiccups that won't come. He drowns himself to the pain, thinking that when he gets deep enough, the nothingness would return and everything would be more bearable.

What if you end the pain instead?

 

* * *

Survivor's guilt is a curious thing. On one hand, he knows that it is not his fault that things turned out this way. That Orhei didn't actually die because of him. That he cheapens his brother's death every time he blames himself. That just like him back then, Orhei made his decision knowing --maybe not fully but nevertheless-- the possible consequence of his actions.

It doesn't make it any easier. On the other hand, it screams at him full volume that it's all his fault.

Knowing these things doesn't help Seiya sleep during the endless nights he was kept awake by what could have been and what-ifs. It doesn't stop his mind from telling him he could have done things better, should have done things differently. It doesn't stop the nightmares, regret, guilt, sadness, and pain he experiences almost every day and night after the accident.

Just why?! What is the purpose of his family's deaths?! 

He wants to move on, but how can he when everywhere he looks in this house the only thing he can see is memories. Both the good and the bad. Something he is desperate enough to hold on to like a holy grail in his spiraling life.

Nothing feels familiar anymore. He looks at the places he used to go to with the others, and his house, his home, and doesn't recognize any of them.

He doesn't want to lose himself, to break, but--

   he

            is

                       d

                              r

                        o

               

                             w

                       n

                       

                           i

                   n

                       

                           g

                  .

Air rushes into his chest at random intervals, every inhales burns and every exhale exhausts, his eyes sting, his limbs feel sluggish and heavy, his mind is not entirely there, and his brother saved his life for the cost of his own, and now he can't even feel grateful, because he's just so, so tired. Now he thinks he knows why they say that one of the most painful ways to die is by drowning.

He can't stop. He doesn't particularly want to.

Does he regret his decision back then to try to save that little girl?

He doesn't know.

Seiya knows that this destructive behavior can undo all he's ever worked for in his life but he can't find it in himself to care. He feels as if he's lost a part of himself that he can't ever get back again and it rattles against his chest. This feeling hollows his heart, numbs his mind, and makes his body heavy 

Ah. This is wrong. Grief shouldn't be dealt with like this. 

Seiya knows this. But he is weary.

He was not himself for months and nobody noticed

He feels disillusioned in a way that seems so insignificant in light of it all because he silently holds it as a matter of pride that his personal adulthood crisis was solved in a matter of hours and only his assurance that he's going to be alright, but what do you know? It took some time and tragedy but eventually, he did fall into a slump, and he doesn't mind it enough to try to get back up.

Maybe it really was his fault after all.

Seiya continues moving through life, exhausted and joyless, but he keeps moving.

Why does he have to be the one to deal with the fall-out of their deaths?

Why not join them instead? There's nothing left in here for you anyway


End file.
